(no subject)

[sabra_la_iudex.insanejournal.com]

Who: All the good little anti-entropy engine girls and boys and others
Where: On the way back towards the dorms
When: Day 258, evening, so very shortly after Good Ends
What:

[As the festivities end and it’s time to head back to dorms, there seems to hang an uneasy feeling that has nothing to do with bittersweet goodbyes. The particularly astute may notice an uncomfortable stillness about; not a living thing is out and active, save the Blanks. Even the river seems stilled, as if holding its breath. The more sensitive can probably feel it coming, whatever it is. Even the insensitive may find something about the walk home distasteful.]

Comments

Re: [Everywhere]

[brother_con.insanejournal.com]

[looks up at him but there's just something kinda. Off. In his eyes.]

I don't have enough to risk the things I have just because I want more.

Re: [Everywhere]

[hemogobbled.insanejournal.com]

[...pets your cheek]

If you don't want to push Kitten's lines, then lay down your own. Just as you can do much without really doing anything, you can also just truly do nothing. Kitten isn't stupid, he'll figure it out.

Re: [Everywhere]

[brother_con.insanejournal.com]

[s-startles a little, but doesn't move away.]

I don't understand...

Re: [Everywhere]

[hemogobbled.insanejournal.com]

Stop flirting back.

Re: [Everywhere]

[brother_con.insanejournal.com]

[blinks. Con...siders this...]



...I may be greedy too.

Re: [Everywhere]

[hemogobbled.insanejournal.com]

Well then you can't really complain, can you?

[sits back]

Re: [Everywhere]

[brother_con.insanejournal.com]

[h-huff]

If he's going to offer me anything, I can't just reject it...

Re: [Everywhere]

[hemogobbled.insanejournal.com]

Sure you can. But if you want it you should take it and enjoy it.

Re: [Everywhere]

[brother_con.insanejournal.com]

Should I really...?

Re: [Everywhere]

[hemogobbled.insanejournal.com]

Someone like Kitten can be a tease for... a long, long time. You can stay at his level. You can flirt so hard he thinks twice about monogamy. Or you can lock him out and let him know he should move on. But do whichever pleases you, cuz he can take care of pleasing himself.

Re: [Everywhere]

[brother_con.insanejournal.com]

No... you're right. When I think about it, you're right. He can keep it up as long as he wants, can't he? He has other outlets, he has a lover, he has a solid relationship to fall back on. I don't have those... resources... so in the end, it's unbalanced as long as I keep it at his level.

I'm just... frightened, of pushing him away by getting too hot or too cold, because... he's already doing these things that move away from me -- like... becoming a vampire, obviously, he didn't do that to separate himself from me... but it's one more step away from me. It didn't have anything to do with me, but that's just it. He won't consider me. His life won't... have anything to do with me. It's one more place I can't touch. If things are that fragile already, then if I make him pull away too far... I feel like I'll lose my only family. But ... you're right, that he can do this indefinitely... and I can't. Trying is only losing.

Re: [Everywhere]

[hemogobbled.insanejournal.com]

[hmmm, going to try to pull you over to him for cuddles. it's gentle though, and easily rejectable]

You've grown up a bit.

Re: [Everywhere]

[brother_con.insanejournal.com]

[lets him, though he tenses up a tiny bit, uncertainly]

...A little... I remember dying, so ...I've had to go somewhere from there, at least...

Re: [Everywhere]

[hemogobbled.insanejournal.com]

[is suuuuuuuuper comfortable. puts Rolo in lap and pulls back against him. it's a loose comfy cuddlehug]

Have you thought about not following Kitten for the rest of your new life?

Re: [Everywhere]

[brother_con.insanejournal.com]

[sits... awkwardly before just ... trying to make himself comfortable, leaning back into that]

...I can't ...I couldn't leave him... even if he left me. Brother's really the only thing I actually love.

Re: [Everywhere]

[hemogobbled.insanejournal.com]

[pets]

The unrequited love is a really merciless master.

Re: [Everywhere]

[brother_con.insanejournal.com]

[ducks his head forward a little, hiding his face] ...

Re: [Everywhere]

[hemogobbled.insanejournal.com]

[slooow hair petting]

You might not believe this, but Rolo can do anything he wants. Including finding his own life. And finding a new love.

Re: [Everywhere]

[brother_con.insanejournal.com]

As long as I have Brother... I don't need anything like that. I knew it... when I died, too. I didn't have to die for him. And I didn't want to die. But I could save Brother's life, and I loved him, so it was really ... that simple. That's how it is. That's still how it is...

Re: [Everywhere]

[hemogobbled.insanejournal.com]

I've been there too. But I can be okay with it ♥ And I've loved far, far more than one person. I won't scold you for throwing your life and happiness at Kitten's feet, if that's what you want to do. But if it's just that you're afraid of losing the only thing you value, maybe what you should be thinking of recapturing that feeling with someone who actually wants it.

Re: [Everywhere]

[brother_con.insanejournal.com]

He wants it! ...he wants it... if he didn't want it, I'd have been discarded...

Re: [Everywhere]

[hemogobbled.insanejournal.com]

Shhh...

[pet]

I mean wants what you want to give. I don't doubt at all that he loves you, and wants you to love him. But isn't it true that you're always going to be second fiddle? Or third?

Re: [Everywhere]

[brother_con.insanejournal.com]

[a little muffled, just kind of... taking the cuddles while they're being offered]

Yes, it's true.

Re: [Everywhere]

[hemogobbled.insanejournal.com]

So... either you can learn to accept things the way they are, and find your happiness in that. Or your can accept things the way they are and suck up the dissatisfaction. Or you can move on, and look for what Rolo really wants.

Re: [Everywhere]

[brother_con.insanejournal.com]

I don't know that what I want exists! I don't know ... Brother's given me more than anyone. Even Mikaila... changed, and left, and got a new brother... I'm not... I can't deal with people, Cobra. Trying is exhausting, all the time. I don't understand how people think or feel. I never had anyone until I had Brother. I really only existed as a tool for murder until I had Brother... no, until I died. Brother had promised me a future... is still offering to share his future with me... I don't like people, I don't like talking to people, or meeting them, or pretending to get along with them when I know they don't care about me.

I just want to be as important to Brother as he is to me, but that's impossible, so... like you say...