(no subject)

[sabra_la_iudex.insanejournal.com]

Who: All the good little anti-entropy engine girls and boys and others
Where: On the way back towards the dorms
When: Day 258, evening, so very shortly after Good Ends
What:

[As the festivities end and it’s time to head back to dorms, there seems to hang an uneasy feeling that has nothing to do with bittersweet goodbyes. The particularly astute may notice an uncomfortable stillness about; not a living thing is out and active, save the Blanks. Even the river seems stilled, as if holding its breath. The more sensitive can probably feel it coming, whatever it is. Even the insensitive may find something about the walk home distasteful.]

Comments

Re: [Everywhere]

[brother_con.insanejournal.com]

I don't know what to do. He didn't like hearing that I'd wait until he wanted to again. But I don't know what to do about him. Or about Sunny. I keep thinking, Sunny must have said something to stop him.

If Brother wanted to stop on his own, he would go cold. He's perfectly capable of it. This just means he still wants to. I don't understand any of it.

Re: [Everywhere]

[hemogobbled.insanejournal.com]

Some people have this idea of only being in that kind of relationship with only one person. Whether it's Kitten's idea or Sunny's idea, I couldn't tell you.

Re: [Everywhere]

[brother_con.insanejournal.com]

I understand the idea, but if he wanted that he wouldn't keep teasing.

Re: [Everywhere]

[hemogobbled.insanejournal.com]

'Not wanting' and 'not letting yourself have' are different things. And Kitten is greedy.

Re: [Everywhere]

[brother_con.insanejournal.com]

Maybe... he could be just a little more greedy or a little less, instead of being just this amount of greedy...

[clenches his hands on his pants, over his knees]

Re: [Everywhere]

[hemogobbled.insanejournal.com]

...You know. You don't have to do everything at his pace. Rolo can be greedy too.

Re: [Everywhere]

[brother_con.insanejournal.com]

I can't take too much from him. I'm... I know that if I pushed he'd fall under it. However much I want ... however much he'd be willing to give if I pushed, I'd be the one who loses out if he hates me for it.

Re: [Everywhere]

[hemogobbled.insanejournal.com]

[leans over and pushes a finger under your chin]

Kitten isn't going to hate you forever. Have a little faith in yourself.

Re: [Everywhere]

[brother_con.insanejournal.com]

[looks up at him but there's just something kinda. Off. In his eyes.]

I don't have enough to risk the things I have just because I want more.

Re: [Everywhere]

[hemogobbled.insanejournal.com]

[...pets your cheek]

If you don't want to push Kitten's lines, then lay down your own. Just as you can do much without really doing anything, you can also just truly do nothing. Kitten isn't stupid, he'll figure it out.

Re: [Everywhere]

[brother_con.insanejournal.com]

[s-startles a little, but doesn't move away.]

I don't understand...

Re: [Everywhere]

[hemogobbled.insanejournal.com]

Stop flirting back.

Re: [Everywhere]

[brother_con.insanejournal.com]

[blinks. Con...siders this...]



...I may be greedy too.

Re: [Everywhere]

[hemogobbled.insanejournal.com]

Well then you can't really complain, can you?

[sits back]

Re: [Everywhere]

[brother_con.insanejournal.com]

[h-huff]

If he's going to offer me anything, I can't just reject it...

Re: [Everywhere]

[hemogobbled.insanejournal.com]

Sure you can. But if you want it you should take it and enjoy it.

Re: [Everywhere]

[brother_con.insanejournal.com]

Should I really...?

Re: [Everywhere]

[hemogobbled.insanejournal.com]

Someone like Kitten can be a tease for... a long, long time. You can stay at his level. You can flirt so hard he thinks twice about monogamy. Or you can lock him out and let him know he should move on. But do whichever pleases you, cuz he can take care of pleasing himself.

Re: [Everywhere]

[brother_con.insanejournal.com]

No... you're right. When I think about it, you're right. He can keep it up as long as he wants, can't he? He has other outlets, he has a lover, he has a solid relationship to fall back on. I don't have those... resources... so in the end, it's unbalanced as long as I keep it at his level.

I'm just... frightened, of pushing him away by getting too hot or too cold, because... he's already doing these things that move away from me -- like... becoming a vampire, obviously, he didn't do that to separate himself from me... but it's one more step away from me. It didn't have anything to do with me, but that's just it. He won't consider me. His life won't... have anything to do with me. It's one more place I can't touch. If things are that fragile already, then if I make him pull away too far... I feel like I'll lose my only family. But ... you're right, that he can do this indefinitely... and I can't. Trying is only losing.

Re: [Everywhere]

[hemogobbled.insanejournal.com]

[hmmm, going to try to pull you over to him for cuddles. it's gentle though, and easily rejectable]

You've grown up a bit.

Re: [Everywhere]

[brother_con.insanejournal.com]

[lets him, though he tenses up a tiny bit, uncertainly]

...A little... I remember dying, so ...I've had to go somewhere from there, at least...

Re: [Everywhere]

[hemogobbled.insanejournal.com]

[is suuuuuuuuper comfortable. puts Rolo in lap and pulls back against him. it's a loose comfy cuddlehug]

Have you thought about not following Kitten for the rest of your new life?

Re: [Everywhere]

[brother_con.insanejournal.com]

[sits... awkwardly before just ... trying to make himself comfortable, leaning back into that]

...I can't ...I couldn't leave him... even if he left me. Brother's really the only thing I actually love.

Re: [Everywhere]

[hemogobbled.insanejournal.com]

[pets]

The unrequited love is a really merciless master.

Re: [Everywhere]

[brother_con.insanejournal.com]

[ducks his head forward a little, hiding his face] ...