(no subject)

[devilishfiend.insanejournal.com]

Who: Lyvus and visitors
Where: Lyvress
When: Day 295, post-game
What: after game cuddlepile

[Four revived-but-not-completely-healed Corvi and a bitten-but-not-bleeding survived Lynx coming back from the Arena. Everything is terrible and everything hurts, but at least we got memories.]

Comments

[zeromemories.insanejournal.com]

[holds a hand out to him, palm up]

I won't bite.

[crossboundaries.insanejournal.com]

[takes his hand...]

[zeromemories.insanejournal.com]

[squeezes it]

I'm very grateful to have met you, and wouldn't ever want to lose you. I'm sure Miharu feels the same.

[crossboundaries.insanejournal.com]

That's...

[zeromemories.insanejournal.com]

. . .

[crossboundaries.insanejournal.com]

I want to lose me.

[zeromemories.insanejournal.com]

So you have a choice to make.

[crossboundaries.insanejournal.com]

[...nods...]

[zeromemories.insanejournal.com]

. . . I'm proud of you.

[crossboundaries.insanejournal.com]

[h-horrified. Shakes his head]

[zeromemories.insanejournal.com]

Haha . . .

[crossboundaries.insanejournal.com]

[shakes it again...]

[zeromemories.insanejournal.com]

I mean it. You're willing to deal with some really significant issues.

[crossboundaries.insanejournal.com]

I don't... want... to. I don't want to. Everything drags others in a train.

[zeromemories.insanejournal.com]

What do you mean?

[crossboundaries.insanejournal.com]

[quiet for a minute, then mimes pulling something, like dragging in a rope knot by knot]

What if I live? [tug] Then, how will I make up for my existence? [tug] For continuing to cause harm in the name of erasing myself, then not doing it? [tug] How can I live in a world I hate? [tug] What will aging mean for my flawed body? [tug] Will I need a doctor? [tug] What will they need to know about me? [tug] If I'm living with Miharu, what will he need to know? I died grateful that he never asked me about the things it hurts to touch. [tug] But that can't continue, if the future is indefinite...

[zeromemories.insanejournal.com]

. . . mm, that's true. But at the same time—it's not fair, to be committed to a path you're not sure you want any more, just because you've come so far along it. I understand the feeling of continuing to spill blood, so that the blood spilled so far hasn't been in vain; I know how hard it is, almost impossible, to try to stop, to turn around on that road. To change your mind for selfish reasons—right?

[crossboundaries.insanejournal.com]

[nods]

I climbed a mountain of corpses to get here... You can't... come down from that.

[zeromemories.insanejournal.com]

I did the same. And I did—kill myself, at the end.

[crossboundaries.insanejournal.com]

... [nods]

[zeromemories.insanejournal.com]

I am—very . . . grateful. To have a second chance.

[crossboundaries.insanejournal.com]

I am too... but... that mountain is still under my feet.

[zeromemories.insanejournal.com]

Is there any way you could feel balanced?

[crossboundaries.insanejournal.com]

I don't... know.

I've lived a ghost's existence since I was born.

[zeromemories.insanejournal.com]

Not here.