Game 140

[messagingly.insanejournal.com]

Who: Anyone
Where: The Arena
When: Day 229, noonish
What: [On the throne today is a smiling youth, face ringed by black curls. He has a harp-like instrument in his lap and a pen behind his ear. It's been a while since any have seen him, but, perhaps, to the oldest and most keen observers here, he seems perhaps a touch thinner than last time. The Arena is not terribly decorated for his appearance, indeed, if not for the statue sitting there, one would not be sure this was really a call at all.]


Good afternoon, duckies, good afternoon! Who's ready for some wholesome (and platonic!) self-exploration and completely non-fatal fun, hmm? I know I certainly am.  Yes, I'm sure you've all been having just unbearable amounts of fun, but you know, let's just- . . .


[clears his throat]


Ahem. Sorry, I was saying, let's just slow it down.  Maybe, oh, I don't know, talk about our feelings a while.

((Technically, yes, this is a loser game, but anyone can play.))

Comments

Re: [DELPHINUS!!!!]

[boundbydevotion]

What do you think a "better teammate" entails? You've always worked hard as far as chores and trades and learning the ropes.

Re: [DELPHINUS!!!!]

[clap_your_hands.insanejournal.com]

I... I'm not really sure. If I knew, I'd try to be it. You deserve a good team, really.

Re: [DELPHINUS!!!!]

[boundbydevotion]

[blink...]

Don't hold yourself to expectations you aren't sure of, Edward. You're guaranteed to feel disappointed then... You've always done what you can, and that's all I ask.

More than anything I don't want you to feel obligated to me.

Re: [DELPHINUS!!!!]

[clap_your_hands.insanejournal.com]

*takes a deep breath*

It's not that. I know I've done what I can, but I've never felt like it's... like it's enough, or like it's the right things to do. I won't ever stop trying to support you the way I have, but I don't think I'll ever quite fit with this team, either, and you deserve someone who could. You had people like that, the sort of teammates you do deserve, but they're gone now, and you're hurt because of that. And even though I didn't really get along with them either, I'd bring them back for you if I could. I'm sorry I can't be the same kind of teammate they were for you. And I'm sorry I can't do anything more than chores and stuff to help support you. I'll still keep doing my best.

Re: [DELPHINUS!!!!]

[boundbydevotion]

. . .

I'm not deserving of any kind of person over another. That's... an arbitrary distinction. I may get on more easily with certain types but it is not indicative of what I deserve or what you should feel you have to be like... I'm thankful for what you've already been doing. You put honest effort into it and seek little ways to ease the strain on me as often as you're able. How is this the behavior of someone who doesn't meet up with what I "deserve?"

That you feel you have to apologize to me for being yourself... [shakes his head...] What meaning would it have if you were the same as them? Loss isn't fixed by replacing it with something similar... I would be happier if you did your best just because you enjoyed it, that you felt accomplished doing it, and not because you feel as if you have to make up for being somehow less.

Re: [DELPHINUS!!!!]

[boundbydevotion]

So...Please don't tell me, "I'm sorry I'm not like them."

Tell me, "I'm giving it the best as myself," and be proud of that.

Re: [DELPHINUS!!!!] 1/2

[clap_your_hands.insanejournal.com]

...

Re: [DELPHINUS!!!!] 2/3 I lied

[clap_your_hands.insanejournal.com]

I didn't know it was like that... I want to just be able to be myself, but I didn't feel like it was okay, after being told what kind of person everyone else was. I want to keep supporting you, and be proud of that, but I always feel like I should be trying to fit in instead of being who I feel like I should be.

But if that's really okay...

Re: [DELPHINUS!!!!]

[clap_your_hands.insanejournal.com]

Then I'll do my best and do it as myself, instead of trying to be someone I'm not.