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Who: Lord Il Palazzo & Excel
Where: Lord Il Palazzo's esteemed quarters
When: Day 99 late afternoon, while all those other chumps are surfing
What: Uwaaah Lord Il Palazzo sodreamy

I've finished all the laundry and put it up to dry, my lord~!

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*raises an eyebrow*

Indeed? And your other chores?

Done beyond perfection! Would you like the full report? Or perhaps the abridged one, which possesses an entertainment level somewhat less similar to watching potatoes grow!

The abridged version will suffice.

Finished the aforementioned laundry, removed the squidrat droppings within a five-meter radius of your dorm, documented suspicious activities, went fishin', scrubbed the toilets, made you lunch, and plotted the downfall of all those who oppose you!

Oh, and watched the potatoes grow!

Have you achieved said downfall? Of one individual in particular?

N-not yet, sir! I haven't seen him yet! But— but I'm strategically positioned in Hydra right now, so it's only a matter of time...

Very well. Keep me posted on your progress on that front. We cannot let such an insult go without retaliation.

Of course! Our vengeance shall be neither swift nor humane! But...

Say, Lord Il Palazzo, that person... he has Scowl really fooled, you know?

Oh?

Him and another one on that team, I guess they come and visit Scowl a lot. I don't know what they're playing at, but I'm startin' to worry it's clouding up his judgment. Now that I think about it, there's somethin' just not right about his boss, too...

And what makes you say that, Excel?

[rubs at her throat, not quite consciously]

Well... he's kind of off, you know? He puts on this act — if I didn't know better, I'd swear he were as weak and pathetic as a newborn, declawed, malnourished, possibly-drowned kitten.

And yet he inspires loyalty. And great loyalty, at that... This bears looking into...

None so great as my loyalty for Lord Il Palazzo! But yes, I have already been nosing into their business as often as possible!

Indeed. And have you found anything?

Well...

...

[scrambles out]

I can't see over the top from down there anymore! Lord Il Palazzo has been working hard!

You expected anything else?

No sir! I simply wish to show my continued support for your every endeavor!

...Lord Il Palazzo? May I ask you a question?

*EXISTS*

Sorry to ask such a weird thing, but... what am I like, in Lord Il Palazzo's memories?

...

[climbs back up]

Ah... it was a weird thing to ask...

Excel is Excel. There should be no need to doubt your identity. Even the very rocks know what they are, and they are without memories.

Ah—! Yes, of course... Though there are moments when I think that I, like the rocks, would be better off without them...

Oh! That reminds me! There was another thing I meant to report to you! A person from my past appeared on Ophiuchus. I have determined that he is neither affiliated with nor a threat to us, and I am planning to muster up the will to be nice to him him for long enough to receive special favors and privileges!

This seems most appropriate. Continue to curry favor for as long as possible, then.

Is there anything I can fanangle for you, sir?

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