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Who: Lyvus and visitors
Where: Lyvress
When: Day 295, post-game
What: after game cuddlepile

[Four revived-but-not-completely-healed Corvi and a bitten-but-not-bleeding survived Lynx coming back from the Arena. Everything is terrible and everything hurts, but at least we got memories.]

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Yes?

[arms are getting crossed now, very clearly a defensive, nervous posture but what the hell 8(]

Them bringin' home a memory's kinda also why I'm bringing it up. since...

[wait. stopping. starting over]

So, you know my world's... facing down the Apocalypse n'all. Well. I'm gonna remember dealing with angels, demons... maybe Lucifer himself. Either way, got a memory where I was talking with an angel... got his feathers all ruffled and fluffed but good.

Then he came out with the whole showing him respect thing... 'cause since he pulled me... outta Hell. He could throw me back. Down there.

[trying to be. reeeeal casual here]

[just listening, gaze even]

[no no no. that should be all the explanation needed. rubbing at face, stiiiill not looking at]

Any one of 'em... could be it. I mean. When he said that... it wasn't just him trying to psyche me out. It was the truth. And I know I was down there at least long enough that... I shouldn't've been able to been taken out. Shouldn't've been saved.

So I dunno how I'm gonna react. If I get that memory. Think the Judges are fuckin' sadists because I'm sure as hell that my life's shitty enough that what crap I've already remembered is the tip of the iceburg--

[stopping again. this is babbling, huh]

Anyway. Just. So you know. I told Brass as soon as I realized, but. Foreman thing and. Stuff.

So you could essentially be taken out of commission by being forced to relive that.

More than out of commission.

... I was able to recover before. [--snorts] "Recovery", anyway. When I first woke up and had that memory of the Trickster killing me over and over again, Jace had a look-see and... damage is bad. Hell if I know why I'm even...

But yeah.

And I don't think. It'd be a good idea to do things the way people here are used to for fixin' that sorta thing.

I take your meaning. But you were pulled out, weren't you? You were fine after that, theoretically.

...

You're a person in Hell. You've been there long enough, you don't see a way out. Maybe you even stop thinking about one. And then out of every single soul in Hell--and trust me, in my world? Even honest people who say, murdered a person in order to save another--suicidal person who was escaping a bad situation--those types could down there, mixed with all the worst of humanity. And then you've got the demons... and torture... and out of all of those souls, yours is the one the angels choose to save.

How would you feel, knowing that? Knowing that... you and your brother're stuck trying to stop Judgement Day. And even after all that, you're fucking told that the one way to put Lucifer back in his cage is to put your brother in that place.

I'm not fine, Royal. Never was. I just forgot why that was. I was barely holding it together in those few later memories I got--hell, I can even tell I was functioning only because I wasn't fucking sober. Being in this place... probably's seen me be the driest I've been since who the hell knows?

[quiet, turning that over in his head]

. . . well, I imagine I'd be willing to throw over everything for a chance at a wish, if it meant finding a way to save my brother, and the world, if it came to that.

Welcome to Sabra La Tau, Dean Winchester.

"Tale that can't be told. My freedom, I hold dear."

What are you afraid of most?

... Mom... was killed by some supernatural freak-job when I was four.

Hell if I know where Dad went.

Sam... he's all I got... and he's stuck. Here. In the Pillar. I can't--

[sooo never had this many feelings about anything ever in front of you, dude]

[. . . coming right the hell over there and wrapping his arms around you whether you like it or not, murmuring]

Bond, Bond, I promise you, I understand much more than you realize. I'm so sorry. We won't let it end like this.

[... oh gdit, Winchester, you're getting hugged by a noodle ;;b not returning the hug but not shoving him away either

shaaaky breath, regrouping here]

Fuckin' right...

Just. Gonna tell the others... after things settle down.

[honestly Dean Winchester, I think both of us needed more hugs in our lives]

Tell them what, exactly?

And you didn't exactly answer me.

What to expect if I keep taking memories.

[and god, I don't. even want to think about everything that scares me right now]

... s'pretty damn obvious.

I'm not very clever. You might have to spell it out for me.

[thinking it over, mostly because... feelings are hard. so hard. and there's probably bit of a painful laugh after a moment]

When our teams first woke up... I was the first one on Corvus. People kept asking, "Where's your teammates?" And I didn't know.

... it fucking terrifies me, thinking... I'm the only one left. Because I failed to save Sammy. And then...

[--nnnope. stopping there. I can be tactful. also, what am I, four? worst.]

Sometimes, things happen that are out of our control. Or if they were in control, and we failed, somehow? Somewhere—. . . Losing a sibling—that you loved, that you grew up with, that you raised, that you promised to protect . . . any of those, all of those, that's the worst feeling in the world, isn't it? "What could I have done, what could I have done?"

But we still have things to fight for even after all of that. And it's not over. It's not over.

No. It wouldn't be.

'Cause that's when the monsters'll come. And that's when I'd just let the world burn.

Hahaha . . .

[wiping his eyes with the back of his sleeve, sitting back, laughing dryly]

[stays there and. yeah.]

Fuckin' angel should've just left me down there... same end result. Monsters get Dean Winchester. End of story.

Dean Winchester still has other options available.

Yep.

Get eaten by the earth. Get eaten by a judge. Or somehow pulling a miracle out of our collective asses, ruining this place, getting our wishes, freeing everyone, and living happily ever after.

We only have everything to lose.